


Holding My Breath

by SierraWinchester



Series: Alive!Phantoms AU [2]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV 2020)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alive AU, Angst, Bad Luck, Coming Out, Fluff, Found Family, Funny, Gay, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of other characters - Freeform, adopted Willie, alive!phantoms, and maybe some anxiety, but mostly for alex, caleb can be a good dad, good dad!caleb, willex, willie has abandonment issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-14 12:15:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29791773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SierraWinchester/pseuds/SierraWinchester
Summary: Willie didn’t have anxiety the way that Alex did, but that didn’t mean he didn’t spend half his time worrying over his boyfriend. Alex was best friends with guys who, honestly, didn’t always make the greatest decisions. (Willie had met them solely because they’d needed a place to hide from the cops chasing them down the road and the first place they’d ducked into was the skate shop Willie worked at in the evenings.)Also, Alex just seemed to have horrible luck? Like, been cursed by a witch type of bad luck. Their first date Alex dislocated his shoulder and on their first anniversary Alex sat on the present he’d made for Willie and also somehow set their dinner on fire. That being said, he did tend to assume the worst when it came to Alex.AKA- A Willex 5+1
Relationships: Alex Mercer & Julie Molina & Luke Patterson & Reggie Peters, Alex Mercer/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms)
Series: Alive!Phantoms AU [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2189799
Comments: 14
Kudos: 104





	Holding My Breath

1.  
Willie’s foot tapped against the boardwalk below, eyes searching the crowd for his boyfriend. It wasn’t that he was late, just that he wasn’t as early as normal and Willie was beginning to wonder. Had he forgotten or got stuck at band practice? Before Willie could pull out his phone to try and call Alex, who honestly just sucked at answering his cell, he caught sight of the drummer heading his way. 

Standing, Willie smiled, but it dropped when Alex was a few feet away and Willie could more clearly see his face. “What happened?” The purple bruising around Alex’s eyes was far too fresh and his t-shirt was torn on one of the sleeves. 

Los Angeles was one of the most progressive parts of the country, but that didn’t mean things didn’t happen. Willie had friends that had been mugged or beaten for being gay or for just looking it. Alex wasn’t massively obvious, but that didn’t mean people couldn’t assume. Or maybe someone had taken one look at his too fancy watch and his too nice shoes and correctly assumed he came from money... 

Alex smiled, even if it was a bit pained, grabbing at Willie’s hand softly. “M’okay, Willie. I just bruise easily.”

Willie scoffed because while that information was accurate it also wasn’t an answer. “Tell me what happened, hot dog, or I swear I’ll—“

Alex cut him off with a laugh and a hand over his mouth. “Me and the boys were messing around, wrestling in Luke’s basement. Someone got an elbow a bit too close to my face, it’s all good.”

Willie released his breath against Alex’s hand and felt the tension drain from his shoulders. “Next time start with that. I thought someone looked at your Richie Rich watch and decided they needed it for themselves.”

Alex laughed, a wider smile pushing onto his face as he pulled Willie in by the waist, “We both know I would’ve given it away before they needed to use physical force. I hate that watch.”

Willie chuckled, leaning into his boyfriend’s chest, “Yeah. So not your style, pretty boy.”

Alex blushed and leaned in to kiss his boyfriend, both of them feeling warm and content. Willie was quietly plotting to buy ice at the snow cone shack down the pier to help Alex’s eye as they pulled away, smiling at the blond. “C’mon. We’ve got a date to get to.”

2.  
Willie was sat on the couch in the studio, watching Alex pace back and forth, worry radiating from him in waves. Alex had called and asked Willie to come over as soon as possible, but hadn’t explained why.

They’d been together a year now, just a few weeks past the actual date, and Alex had been acting strange since their anniversary. Whenever Willie brought it up he was quickly shot down and assured it was nothing. Yet, here he sat, watching Alex model strut and he couldn’t help but hear the unbidden thoughts in his head. Alex was breaking up with him. 

It made sense, to Willie, at least. Alex had been acting weird since their anniversary, distant and clearly distracted. He’d stopped being as touchy and he’d been worse about answering texts more so than usual. And with Willie’s history it just seemed like the obvious choice. (Yes, he had abandonment issues he needed to work on, thank you very much foster care system.) 

Unable to handle another minute of this torture, Willie just blurted it out, knowing what was coming, “Will you just do it already? You weren’t this nervous when I asked you out. Just end it already and let me go home.”

That stopped Alex in his tracks and he whipped around to look at the other boy on the couch, shock and pain racing across his face and warring for the dominant spot there. “Wait...end it? You think…” Alex paused to take a breath, “Willie, do you really think I’m trying to break up with you?”

Willie shrugged, shutting down a bit at the tone in Alex’s voice, “I mean… You called me here and you’ve just been pacing for forever...and I mean everyone else leaves, you’re just taking your time doing it?”

Sinking to his knees, Alex frowned sadly, “Oh...” He dragged his boyfriend into a hug immediately, squeezing him to the point it hurt. Willie only sunk in further, blinking away the tears that threatened to fall, “Willie, I’m not breaking up with you.”

Willie extracted himself from the hug, swallowing down his hope before it could blossom, “Then what’s going on? Because you’ve been so distant lately and I just can’t handle it anymore.”

A whine escaped the drummer's lips but he was quick to stand and dig a crumpled paper from his pocket. “Luke and Julie have been helping me write this. We’re gonna play it at our next show but I wanted you to at least see it first since it’s about you.”

Willie took the paper that was thrusted at him, opening it slowly, like he was scared it would disappear. The words were in Alex’s neat handwriting and while he didn’t understand the musical parts of it, the lyrics made plenty of sense. This was a song Alex had written for him. He’d written a song...for Willie. 

“If you hate it we won’t play it. I just... I wanted it done before our anniversary to give as a part of my present to you, but I’m not great at songwriting and Julie got busy with finals and Luke kept trying to write other stuff and so I just didn’t get it done on time. I’m so sorry, Willie. I wasn’t trying to be distant or to shut you out. I just wanted this to be perfect because you’re perfect and you mean so much to me.”

When Alex inhaled to ramble further, Willie took his chance and rushed forward, lips capturing his boyfriend’s before he could speak anymore. They stayed like that, kissing and gripping one another for dear life for a few minutes before Willie pulled away. “You’re the best thing to ever happen to me, Alexander Mercer. I love you.”

Alex squeaked and his cheeks flushed red with blood, “I love you, too.”

Willie smiled, softer, his heart bursting at the seams. “I know.”

3.  
Two weeks after their anniversary was the first gig that Julie and the Phantoms had booked since Alex had given Willie the song. To say he was excited to finally see it performed was an understatement. The whole band had refused to play any of it until an actual gig, swearing Willie needed the full experience. Finally, the day had come, and Willie stood front row, bouncing on the balls of his feet as he waited. 

The opening notes began and he settled, grinning as he watched each band member come on to the stage..except, not Alex? They were halfway through the opening verse by the point Willie felt his heart claw its way to his throat and still Alex hadn’t arrived. 

Alex had missed very few performances, but barely a month into dating and the third show Willie had gone to see Alex hadn’t been there. No one had informed him until he’d gone backstage afterwards that Alex had been grounded by his parents. It hadn’t been until three days later when Alex had been allowed out that he learned he’d be grounded because his mom found out he’d gone to an over 21 club for a show. 

So Alex not being on stage was beginning to worry Willie. Was he grounded again? Was he even okay? In the past few months things had been getting more tense with his family. He hadn’t come out to them yet, but Willie knew he wanted to. Alex wasn’t sure how they’d react but with his upbringing he assumed it wouldn’t be very supportive. Had he done it? Had he come out? Did it go so terribly wrong that he was missing this performance? The one he’d promised Willie?

Thankfully, Willie saw the flash of pink in the crowd before he could fill on panic. Turning, he found Alex beside him, grinning, a mic in his hand. Before Willie could ask, Alex lifted it to his lips and sang the next verse, staring into Willie’s eyes as he grabbed his hand. 

“And you left your mark, right on my heart.” Alex sung, grinning and Willie felt his heartbeat pick up for an entirely different reason now. The world around him, the crowd trying to reach towards his boyfriend, faded out and all Willie could see was Alex, the boy he loved so much he’d entrusted his batterer heart to. His worries faded and Willie grinned back, mouthing the lyrics in return until Alex had to back away and head on stage to drum.

4.  
Willie’s foot pushed the board faster down the sidewalk, his eyes glancing down at his phone screen again but it was still empty. He’d had plans to meet with Alex at the ice cream shop at three and the others had planned to join them around four to hang out. It was nearing five now and no one had showed, but worse, no one was answering their phones. 

Alex was horrible at answering the phone, but Reggie was usually the easiest to get ahold of. After ten texts sent to him, Willie had tried Luke’s phone. Nothing. The worry had begun to sink in and he’d called Julie, but she hadn’t seen them today. She’d been out with her Tia and Carlos and hadn’t actually planned to meet up with the boys until after dinner tonight for band rehearsal. So, Willie had decided it was time to go searching. 

Last he’d heard the boys were at the studio they rehearsed in, so Willie was trying their first. Hopefully they hadn’t gotten into too much trouble. Maybe they just didn’t notice the time? Maybe Luke had roped Alex into a few too many rounds of Mario kart and they’d lost track of how long they’d been playing. Surely it wasn’t anything bad…

Willie barely stopped his board, hopping off as soon as he was out front of the garage of the Molina residence. Inhaling deeply, he pulled open the doors, only to have them shut right back in his face. “Hey!” 

His cry was met with Luke slipping out the doors and shushing him harshly, eyes angry. “We just got him to sleep, shut up!”

Willie’s confusion deepened and he raised an eyebrow incredulously, mimicking his adoptive father perfectly, “Got who to sleep? What’s going on, because you guys were meant to meet me an hour ago and Alex was meant to come two hours ago and no one will answer their fucking phones.”

Luke winced, an apologetic smile already tripping its way to his lips. “Sorry, bro. Me and Reggie came out here an hour ago to try out a new melody and we found Alex on the couch. Dunno how long he’d been there, but he has a migraine. Pretty nasty one, too. Guess we kind of forget to text you?”

Willie rolled his eyes but he felt some of the tension leave his shoulders at this news. At least Alex was okay, mostly. “He’s asleep, then?”

Luke nodded, relaxing now that Willie wasn’t as angry, “Yeah. He fought it pretty hard, but I sent Reggie to go find some painkillers and he finally conked out.”

Willie nodded, smiling a bit at Luke, “You’re a good friend. Thanks for taking care of him..”

Luke laughed and patted Willie’s back, “He’s your problem now. If he pukes make sure it’s not on the couch.” He smirked and headed up the stairs towards the house. Willie groaned, but he was smiling as he cracked the garage doors and slipped inside to take care of his boyfriend. 

5.  
Willie was beginning to think that Alex wasn’t the responsible one in the group. This was the billionth time he was late to meet up and Willie wasn’t as worried as he’d been the first few times, but it was still always hard to ignore the voice in his head screaming that Alex wasn’t going to show up at all. 

Glancing at his watch, Willie sighed, and he stood. He’d left his board at home today, opting to walk the short distance to the café they were meant to be meeting at. It would take longer to walk to Alex’s from here, but hopefully they’d meet halfway and Alex would apologize and explain whatever crazy reason for being late. 

The skater had barely walked a few blocks when Alex nearly ran into him, running to make it to their meeting spot obviously. “Woah! Slow down, hot dog. You nearly pancaked me!”

Alex was out of breath, but he was quickly talking, “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to be late! There was this lady who was trying to carry all her groceries in and she had to go up like four floors and she had a baby. I couldn’t just leave her! And then she wanted to try and pay me and I was trying to explain that I didn’t need money and it wasn’t a big deal, but she just wouldn’t listen.”

Willie laughed, unable to help it. Of course Alex would stop to help someone in need. And of course Alex’s no good luck had yet to rear it’s head. In the past six months things had been so good, it was almost as if Alex’s bad luck had disappeared entirely. Willie needed to stop worrying himself so bad. Alex was the high strung one, after all.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I just...” He laughed again, grinning wide at his confused boyfriend, “I just love you so much.”

Alex blushed and ducked his head, mumbling his reply, “I love you, too.”

Willie grinned and grabbed his boyfriend’s hand, “Come on, hot dog. You owe me a muffin, because you’re late.”

Alex chuckled and rolled his eyes, “I would’ve been buying you a muffin anyway. I know you blew all your cash on that new board.”

Willie grinned, a twinkle in his eye, “Yup. Guess you’ll owe me two muffins for being late, then, since you were already gonna buy me one!”

Alex sputtered, but he laughed and shook his head, rolling his eyes fondly. “You can’t even eat two whole muffins, Willie.”

“Is that a bet, Mercer?” He waggled his eyebrows and beamed at Alex’s amused groan, happy that it finally seemed like he could relax. Maybe Alex’s luck really had turned around. Maybe, for once, someone would truly stay in Willie’s life. He’d only been adopted a few years ago...maybe it was the turning point for his luck, too. Maybe Willie really would get to spend forever with Alex. He sure hoped he would.

+1  
Alex stood at the door, his hands shaking as he stared at the wood in front of him. All he had to do was knock. He knew what was behind it and what response he would get...but it was hard. After what he’d just been through he was second guessing his beliefs. What if Willie didn’t want him? What if Caleb was home and Alex was interrupting their sparse time together? What if Alex was expecting too much of his boyfriend and he wound up on the streets twice in one day?

Thankfully, the decision was made for him when the door opened inwards and his boyfriend stood there, board in hand and helmet tucked under his arm. Alex watched as Willie’s face expressed his emotions, cycling through happy to confused to thoughtful before landing on concern. “Alex? You okay?... What’re you doing here? What’s wrong?”

Alex just stood, unsure where to begin or even if he knew what to say. His hands still shook and he just stared, mouth half open to reply. Willie was quick to realize Alex needed a bit more of a push. 

“You wanna come in?” When the blond nodded Willie stepped back and allowed him inside, shutting the door behind him and setting down his gear on the bench near the door. Willie led Alex to the living room and waited for them to both settle on the couch. After another few minutes, Willie spoke again, eye to eye with his boyfriend, “Alex… Can you tell me what happened?”

Alex let out a shaky breath and met the skater’s eyes, tears already falling though Alex wasn’t sure when they’d ever stopped. Maybe they hadn’t. “I told my parents.”

“Told your…” Willie connected the dots and his eyes darkened as he realized what his boyfriend meant. “You came out to them.”

Alex nodded, dropping his gaze to Willie’s chest. He was wearing the same tie-dye crop top he’d worn when they’d met. It was a nice blue and yellow mix and Alex desperately wanted to reach out and feel the soft texture, pretending it was the first day they met and not today. Never today.

“Oh, Alex…” Willie breathed and he dragged his boyfriend into a hug that felt nearly bone crushing. It was nice, to feel a different pain for a moment and Alex leaned into it. “I’m so sorry...That’s...god, I’m sorry, man.”

Alex nodded and when he was released he spoke, voice sounding somehow more robotic. He could feel himself shutting down. It was easier to not feel the ache in his chest, the tendrils of black ick sliding through his veins and filling him with regret and pain. “They said they wouldn’t want me around. They said I was a disgrace and that I would taint my siblings so I needed to get out. They didn’t say for how long.”

Willie clenched his eyes shut for a brief moment, his own flair of pain stabbing into his sternum. Alex was doing his best to avoid the hard truth. He’d been kicked out and disowned. Willie reached a hand up, rubbing at his boyfriend's cheek gently. “It’s gonna be okay... you can stay here.”

Alex nodded, not asking for how long. He was too scared of that answer. “Can...Can I take a shower? I don’t know how long I was gone...I...” He cut off but he glanced down at himself and looking now Willie could see mud on his shoes, all the way up to his socks, and his hands were covered in scrapes. Most likely Alex had run out and just wondered wherever until he wound up at Willies, exhausted and broken. 

“Of course. Yeah, c’mon.” Willie stood and he led Alex to the bathroom as if he needed an escort. “You clean up and I’ll get you some clean clothes, okay?”

Alex hummed, already methodically untying his laces and pulling his sneakers from his feet. Willie disappeared to his room, rooting in his drawers until he found a suitable pair of sweatpants and an old theatre shirt he’d stolen from Caleb when he moved in. Returning to the bathroom, Willie left the clean clothes on the counter with the fluffiest towel he could find and then he brought Alex’s stuff to the washer and threw it in with the laundry he’d been avoiding all week. The shoes would need to be scrubbed later, when Alex wasn’t so raw. 

Willie made some tea and waited on the couch for Alex, unsure what to do past waiting. He could text the boys, warn them of what happened, but he didn’t want to do that without Alex’s permission first. So he waited. It was nearly forty-five minutes later when Alex returned, dressed in clean clothes and looking worse for wear. 

Patting the cushion next to him Willie offered a tentative smile. “Come sit down. I made you some tea. It’s the lavender one you said you liked.”

Alex sat beside Willie and glanced at the tea, but instead he just laid down, resting his head on his boyfriend's chest. Willie swallowed and began to run his fingers down Alex’s spine slowly. If this is what he needed then Willie was happy to provide. 

The two stayed in silence for a long time, but Willie eventually could feel Alex tip off to sleep and be relaxed slightly. At least the drummer was resting. That was better than crying perpetually. Willie didn’t move, nor did he stop moving his fingers, just trying to untangle his thoughts and figure out what to do. 

It was nearing six pm when the front door opened and Caleb walked in, setting down his bag and glancing at his adopted son and the boy still curled into his chest. He raised an eyebrow, silently questioning it. 

Willie cleared his throat, eyes darting to Alex and filling with pain again, before he looked at his adopted dad and spoke in a whisper, “He came out to his family. Didn’t go so well...He got kicked out. He’s staying here.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement of fact. 

Caleb looked between the two and then nodded, speaking in the same hushed tone, “Yes, he is. We’ll collect his things tomorrow if possible and if not we’ll go shopping when he’s ready. I’ll call the school and have them change his contact information and explain why he won’t be in for a few days. Do you need anything?”

Willie smiled softly, so glad to have found Caleb in this lifetime. He wasn’t always the nicest and there was a whole past Willie was sure he’d never know the full extent of, but Caleb had never done anything besides take care of Willie and support him in everything he did and every choice he made. Caleb was the best dad Willie could ask for. “Nah. We’re okay, but...thank you.”

Caleb could hear the double meaning and he nodded, taking the still full mugs to the kitchen. He dumped them down the drain, mind already plotting how to set up the guest room into a more suitable space for Alex, though he knew the teen would spend far more time in Willie’s room. It was the thought that mattered and Alex deserved a space of his own to be free and to feel safe and Caleb would make sure of that first and foremost.


End file.
